How do you claim your life and make the changes you want to make? The steps are simple, but not easy to follow:

1. Become aware of the need to change. 

1. Identify what you can and cannot change.  

1. Build your support network and ask for help

1. Increase your witness so you can watch the struggle 

1. Commit to being in your life and loving yourself while observing

1. Let go of the outcome while reaching for the goal 

As we come up against our resistance to change, we can observe the resistance and increase our awareness. Eventually, the point of pain is enough to allow willingness to change.

1. Become aware of the need to change. 

As my point of pain increases, I can eventually choose change with willingness. For example, over the last few years, I’ve been having increasing symptoms of allergies: migraines, weepy, swelling eyes and a foggy brain, as well as increased digestive issues.

1. Identify what you can change

When I went to a local allergist she helped me identify some external irritants and I cleaned up my home environment. Then I went to a naturopath. She said, Try six months with this food plan and gave me remedies to support cleansing the system. The major organs were congested.

1. Create a support network and ask for help 

I asked four of my peeps if they would listen to me and help me increase clarity on how to approach this food plan. One friend reminded me that this was more about the feelings and less about the food. I had a “Duh” moment…

I was tackling the idea of a food plan like a wrestler, trying to force it into submission. But I learned quickly I had to allow the feelings to emerge gently and trust the process. Whiel staying committed.

1. Build your witness so you can watch the struggle 

This is likely the most important one for me. I had to increase my meditation and allow the struggle to work itself out while staying calm and in observer when I could.

One day I went hiking with some friends and then we hung out after. They ground fresh beans, chatting about the joys of coffee and then the house filled with the potent aroma of coffee. We all sat in a circle while I drank my tea and they drank their coffee.

Within moments, I reverted to a sullen adolescent, left out and furious. I know that I cannot drink coffee without hefty repercussions.

Blessedly, my witness kicked into full gear and I moved through the hour with some grace, and only sulking in a corner of my mind.

1. Commit to being in your life and loving yourself while observing

When we move into change, the kickback comes from self and others. For me, the self doubt moves in first. Why am I doing this again? What is the benefit? Desire wants what it wants.

So I write things out, sometimes sticking up little notes to remind myself of the end goal, and the steps I need to get there. And calling my tribe for help when I need to.

I continue to go out, dragging my food around with me like Linus with his blanket. Telling people I’m on this food plan so they don’t think I’m too weird. Thank heavens its way more common now for people to have certain food plans.

And when I see aspects of myself that I wish weren’t there, I need to love myself through it.

I bought a bag of baked sweet potato chips last week, which are on my food plan. But I pulled them into bed and ate the whole bag. I was like Gollum with his precious ring, snuffling strangely into my bag like someone was trying to snatch it.

1. Reach for the goal but let go of the outcome

This seems like a paradox, but it’s not. One of my spiritual teachers, Dharamnidhi, was really into this. Setting goals, being really passionate about reaching for them, while at the same time staying acutely present to the process and watching for possibilities of shifts.

I found some gluten free crackers and I was so excited. My beloved made me cashew cheese and sugar free apple butter and I felt cherished.

I ate one cracker with cashew cheese and apple butter. Holy moly, what a yum yum.  Then I had 2 more.

The next morning I woke up with a migraine, swollen and weepy eyes and a hangover. I was so pissed off. Corn had started to rise on the radar as a possible allergen. And, guess what? I found corn starch in the delicious, salty, thin crackers.

Emma Johnson says change is hard in How to Change Yourself in Positive Ways. And she’s right.

But I love the constant sweet flux and my growing capacity to commit to myself and love the process.

Related: A Good Life Contains These 6 Essentials 

Susan Young, M.Ad.Ed., RYT, is an Integral Life Coach in private practice in Kingston, as well as facilitating Mindfulness Programs and teaching yoga at Janati Yoga School.