I am about to be real. Some days it is hard not get angry. Whether it is at people, an object, or a situation or myself. I feel sometimes that I came out of the womb breathing fire. When I was young, my temper was apparent, as I would march about lashing out at whatever was in my way. Not necessarily physically, but sometimes verbally, and mostly energetically. This wasn’t my constant state. Mostly I was happy and playful, however the moment I sensed injustice or felt I was injured, this angry dragon would emerge.
These days, I still get angry, but how I view my anger is different. I try to live beyond myself, my ego, and my version of what is the truth. When I found my spiritual path, yoga came into my life. It provided the tools I needed to manage and work with the emotions I felt. Ahimsa, the very first concept of the very first Limb of Patanjali’s sutras, translates to Non-violence and non-harming. At first it seemed like a straightforward concept, but with much practice and study, I realized that this practice was as beneficial to me as to anyone else. There is a quote that is credited to the Buddha that says “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” I have found this to be true. Any decision or action I have made when I am angry, has always led to regret.
So what was I to do with this energy; the overwhelming emotion when I was upset? I began to take a deeper look at the emotions involved when I was angry; hurt, sadness, a feeling of being unloved. I had the realization that any intentional harmful act that people do is usually stemmed because they also have these feelings. So what would happen if I could redirect those feelings when I was angry. What if instead of reacting with the same emotions, I could respond by giving love and kindness?
It my belief that this was Patanjali’s intent. Non-harming is base; the passive way of following this limb. However, the active way is to act in a way of loving-kindness to everyone, to everything. For me this means environmentalism, veganism, sharing the path of yoga, being a loving mother. I try to take less and give more. My path may look very different than someone else and that is great. It is the intent that matters. It is not to say that I don’t still get angry, I am still human 🙂 But I am more mindful, more empathetic, and far more patient. Mahatma Gandhi practiced Ahimsa, this one limb, his entire life. I feel if it is a life practice for Gandhi, it is most certainly a life practice for me.
I center my life around unconditional loving kindness and compassion for all beings. I bring these aspects and share my passion with others as a Hatha Yoga teacher and student, a practicing Buddhist, a devout vegan, and loving mother. I am also a long distance runner, a published poet, and a travelling gypsy when the time allows. I am a student of life, with a healthy thirst for knowledge and I enjoy learning and growing with every step.
I am a very anatomical based Hatha teacher with a core belief of Ahimsa: non-violence and non-harming, especially when dealing with ourselves. I have a pursuit of the many facets of Yoga including traditional philosophy, kriya, meditation, pranayama, as well as an asana practice. I believe that every person can find self-success if they are willing. Anyone can be taught a skill but you can’t teach will.
Beautiful Amber. I was also angry as a child and had to learn to be no harming and loving. Thank you for sharing your story.
Interesting… Haven’t felt the love for a couple years now…for real!